


1 Year, 7 Months, 5 Weeks, 2 Days

by TheProfessor



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Recovery, Redemption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-29 18:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13933074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheProfessor/pseuds/TheProfessor
Summary: It has been two days since Ben Solo returned from the Dark Side and Rey has not slept.





	1 Year, 7 Months, 5 Weeks, 2 Days

**Author's Note:**

> For my darling guibass, on her birthday. <3

It has been two days since Ben Solo returned from the Dark Side and Rey has not slept.

She has fended off hordes of people, the Resistance war council demanding that he be tried for treason immediately. When they would not leave, Rey oh-so-gently shoved them from her new chambers with the Force, barricading the door behind them. “Only a Jedi may judge a Jedi,” she says, and they begrudgingly leave, debating whether or not General Organa’s son still qualifies as a Jedi and how they can find a way around that.

His own mother is not allowed to visit yet; Rey has never felt so much raw emotion in another living being, and it may destroy him to see his only living parent so soon. It breaks Leia’s heart, but she understands Rey’s restriction.

Ben is curled up on Rey’s bed, asleep and pale as death. The room was given to her temporarily, on this moon whose name she doesn’t remember. She uses the Force to soothe him just enough so no more nightmares will claw at his mind. She made that mistake the first night he was here.

She yawns, reclining in the armchair she has pulled next to the bed. The sounds of this place are soothing, quiet. Not at all like the raucous rabble of the Resistance fighters. She enjoys the sound of people.

But silence is… this. She watches him breathe, the up and down motion of his chest the most gentle, impossible thing she has ever seen.

She remembers when he turned, that terrible, bloody battle. Remembers Hux’s too-eager face, his blaster aimed right at Leia’s chest. Kylo Ren had stabbed him through the heart, sending the First Order running, and Ben Solo was reborn.

Reborn to face his demons in the Light. The weight of all that he had done, the destruction he had wrought, the deaths he had caused - fashioned prettily on the Dark Side - came into full, disgusting view. He was ashamed, guilty, and felt contempt for his own existence.

It was only two days ago. It felt like an eternity.

Rey yawns again, rubbing at her eyes. She is exhausted, but she will not sleep. Cannot sleep. Can’t. Won’t. Can’t. Can’t… sleep...

Ben bolts awake, gasping, and Rey almost jumps out of her skin at the sound. He scrambles back, mussing the sheets and slams his back against the headboard, breathing hard.

“Ben?”

Ben’s arm flies out in a fit of confusion and pain, using the Force to grab at Rey’s throat.

“B...en…”

Ben’s eyes clear, and he drops the hold immediately. His eyes stare at Rey’s face as she coughs, bracing a hand on the soft mattress. His already red eyes spill over with fresh tears, watching her sputter and choke.

He buries his head in his knees, drawing them up to his face. He can’t bear to speak, but instead sends a sincere thrum of apology through the Forcebond. His mind is muddled, dazed. Shattered.

Rey steals a drink of water from his forgotten glass on the nightstand. She knows the nightmares are not her fault, but viciously reprimands herself for falling asleep and subjecting him to them. Again. _“I’m sorry, I shouldn't have-”_

Ben does not respond in words, but soothes her with the unpracticed hand of one who has not touched the Light in a very long time.

Rey can feel his soul burning, the tumultuous, black vacuum of Kylo Ren cast away to reveal Ben Solo, a man who cannot remember how to _be_ Ben Solo.

Rey takes a deep breath. “Okay. Scoot over.”

Ben lifts his head to look at her, streaks of tears running down his scarred face. He sniffles, but does not move.

Rey ever-so-gently pushes him to one side of the mattress with the Force. A brief flicker from him tells her that that’s not what the Force is for, and she plops down on the bed beside him anyway. She yanks and pulls at the blankets until they are side by side, her covered to the waist, backs against the headboard. Together.

She leans her head against his shoulder as he cries.

xxxxxxxxxx

It has been five weeks since Ben Solo returned from the Dark Side.

He has gotten so thin. Rey watches him like a hawk, goading him into eating contests that he does not participate in. “I’d win anyway,” she tells him, and he only nods.

Just yesterday she convinced him to take a bite of her cookie, and the sound he made as the sugar hit his tongue made her flush with pride. He ate so little; tiny victories were still victories.

They stay in her chambers most of the time. They have gone on two short walks so far, once around the perimeter of the large palace that Leia’s influence had allowed them to stay in, and once around the palace gardens. Rey could tell he preferred the garden; the dark cloud that hovered over him had been less ominous then. Less prevalent.

He had spent more time looking at the cornucopia of flowers than she would have thought. As if he had never properly taken a moment to appreciate such things. Or had not seen such beauty in a very long time.

xxxxxxxxxx

It has been seven months since Ben Solo returned from the Dark Side.

Silence has turned into quiet conversations. Ben is eating better and is starting to venture out into the palace on his own. Leia visits them occasionally, never overstaying her welcome, but always glad to see her son. Ben has come to value the short stretches of time he has with his mother. They never know what to talk about, but always discover it together.

Rey is forcefully delaying any sentencing by the Resistance, despite the fire that they are breathing down Leia’s back as well. Throwing Ben in jail now would serve no purpose; he must heal to atone for his crimes, not simply serve time as a punishment. He relives every moment of pain and suffering, often dreaming of the day he killed Han Solo.

Rey is learning to side step certain subjects and carefully broach others. She learns that Ben likes to read, and takes it upon herself to fill their room with stacks and stacks of books, so many that Ben is slightly bewildered.

They read huddled together, Rey having never held a proper book before. They take turns reading page after page, and Rey likes how his soft voice can hold so much emotion.

It always did. It’s just better now.

xxxxxxxxxx

It has been one year since Ben Solo returned from the Dark Side.

His form has filled out again, a bit leaner than he once was. The ever present press of the Dark Side has waned and he no longer has to exercise and sculpt his body into Snoke’s personal weapon. He eats freely now, still unaccustomed to food that tastes like - well, food. They sometimes eat with Leia, Finn, and Poe, the latter two still wary of the former Knight of Ren. But Rey is pleased to see that they are warming up to him. Slowly, but surely.

Rey has filled her side of their bedroom with piles of scrap, fiddling and crafting. She makes metal trinkets, toys, sometimes small friends for BB-8. He loves the friends and loves Ben, something that Rey discovered soon after the sassy droid met the Force user as someone other than Kylo Ren. BB-8 often wedges himself into Poe’s arguments with Leia, much to the pilot’s confusion and dismay.

The piles of metal come and go. The rotating piles of books have slowed to a crawl, but they make it through one now and again.

Ben passes much of his time in the gardens. Rey insists that he spends some time alone; he must get used to it, time with the Light and his thoughts. He hated it at first; now, he doesn't mind so much.

They talk. For hours and hours, Rey asks him about anything and everything she can think of. His brief stint as Supreme Leader, Jedi training, what it was like to grow up with a family. The more Ben talks, the more at ease he is. Recounting the past hurts him - Rey can feel it - but it will never leave him. He must learn to live with it, as terrible as it is. As terrible as it will always be.

They pass every evening together. Eating dinner, reading, tinkering. Ben shows her tricks with the Force and she is delighted to try them out on her own. Rey no longer soothes his nightmares, as they begin to slowly fade.

When the daylight dwindles away, they lay together, chest to back, Ben’s form curled protectively around Rey’s.

xxxxxxxxxx

It has been one year, seven months, five weeks, and two days since Ben Solo returned from the Dark Side.

He fiddles with the calligraphy set, the pen much too small for his hands. He remembers doing this years ago; Leia’s fondness for it prompted him to peek at it again. Naturally, Rey returned from the nearby shops with the largest calligraphy set she could find. He knows by now not to question her methods, but simply say thank you.

He puts the pen down and stands from his chair. She is talking about something - and for once, he is not listening to her endearing accent. She stops, cocking her head and peering up at him.

He considers her for the briefest of moments and - over the roar of his beating heart - leans down and kisses Rey of Jakku.

She freezes, then stares wide-eyed at him as he quickly pulls away.

He is worried and opens his mouth to speak, but her face is instantly split in a shit-eating grin.

“Finally!” She whoops in joy, and jumps into his arms, throwing her own around his neck and peppering his face with kisses. Her lips are soft and warm and-

He can’t help himself. His lips slant upward as he presses his forehead to hers, carefully wrapping his arms around her. She can see it - the tilt of his lips - and can’t stop the sudden, grateful tears from falling down her cheeks.

Ben’s face falls, panicked and convinced he’s done something to upset her, and the idea is so utterly preposterous that she dissolves into laughter. She gestures wildly behind her, still heaving with mirth, and they collapse onto the bed together.

He is confused - understandably, he later argues - and Rey’s bright smile is nothing he has ever deserved. He carefully wipes her tears away.

She clambers on top of him, now wrapped around him like a ribbon on a maypole, dark eyes shining with mischief. She sees the confounded, yet hopeful look on his face and almost rolls her eyes, giggling. “You are an idiot, Ben Solo.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come follow me on tumblr!
> 
> theprofessorstrikesagain.tumblr.com


End file.
